Looking for a great way to expand your horizons? Consider traveling through life in the company of younger and older others.
“A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles.”
So declared travel writer Tim Cahill in his 1991 book Road Fever, describing a 15,000-mile, 23½-day trip from the southernmost region of South America to Prudhoe Bay in Alaska. He believed that being with others one cares about and meeting new people can make any experience of travel richer and more memorable.
But what if getting to know someone better is a rewarding journey in itself? Isn’t that non-travel activity an effective way to expand one’s horizons, too?
It isn’t farfetched to speak about relationships in geographical terms. After all, how many of us are like islands unto ourselves, having limited our own social circle to a very small number of people who are roughly the same age as we are?
A Segregated Population
Janet Oh, senior director of innovation at CoGenerate, a San Francisco–based nonprofit organization enabling older and younger generations to collaborate to “solve the problems that no generation can solve alone,” describes the social situation: “We talk about the concept of ‘age apartheid’—that our society divides us by age, with youngsters in school, middle-aged people at work, and elders marginalized or in retirement communities.”
Especially since the pandemic, Americans are finding that inhibiting social relationships has created another epidemic, which U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy in a 2023 report identified as one of social isolation and loneliness.
Younger and older adults are especially and equally likely to experience significant social isolation and loneliness. As stated by the Newport Institute, a nationwide group of evidence-based healing centers, “Loneliness peaks between the ages of 18 and 29, according to a new research review. And one in every three young adults reports feeling lonely.” The University of Michigan’s 2023 National Poll on Healthy Aging states: “In 2023, one in three adults age 50–80 (34%) reported feeling isolated from others … in the past year.”
Harmful Effects
While we may feel that social isolation and loneliness are conditions that certainly make life less pleasurable, we may not realize the more serious harm they do to our health, economy, and the social fabric.
The Surgeon General’s report asserts that social isolation and loneliness can lead to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, anxiety, depression, and dementia, and a 26%–29% greater risk of premature death. They can negatively affect young students’ attendance, grades, and ultimate achievements. Moreover, they increase adult workers’ stress levels and rates of burnout, as well as work-related injuries and illnesses, all of which affect a company’s productivity and profits.
These effects are grave enough, but there’s an even more insidious social problem made worse by generational segregation—ageism, discrimination based on a person’s chronological age.
Research has shown that children as young as age 3 can begin to absorb negative feelings about old people. Another study reveals that more people have negative attitudes about young people than they do old people. Both effects can lead people whom ageism targets to develop their own internalized ageism, that is, harboring negative stereotype views of themselves as incompetent and/or unworthy of respect. Separating groups of people according to their generational ages simply adds fuel to the fire of social harm.
As clinical psychologist Derenda Schubert, PhD, explains, “By limiting interaction to one generation, there is a risk of developing stereotypes or negative assumptions about other age groups. This may increase generational divides and hinder the development of inclusive communities.”
Easily Available Solutions
Fortunately, innovative ways to mingle people of different ages are springing up everywhere.
Schubert is the executive director of Bridge Meadows, an award-winning Oregon nonprofit that operates intergenerational housing, bringing together families raising children who have been impacted by the foster care system with adults ages 55 and older.
“Embracing a more intergenerational approach,” she says, “can enrich one’s life with varied insights, opportunities for growth, and broader social connections.”
Elly Katz would agree. She is the founder and executive director of the California-based nonprofit Sages & Seekers, which pairs an older adult (“Sage”) with a high-school or college student (“Seeker”) in an eight-week series of online or in-person conversations “to develop empathy, combat social isolation, and dissolve age-related segregation within our communities.”
According to Katz, the main ingredient necessary in intergenerational friendships is “Curiosity! I also believe they must have respect and empathy, and enter into the relationship knowing they each have something to receive from the other.”
What makes the Sages & Seekers program so successful is one basic rule. “My biggest advice,” explains Katz, “is to never call an intergenerational program a mentoring program, as that sets the stage for one person to have power over the other. Only when both generations enter the relationship as equals, can they learn and grow from each other—a win-win situation.”
Established programs run by organizations such as CoGenerate, Bridge Meadows, and Sages & Seekers are only a part of the solution to loneliness, social isolation, and ageism. Everyone should feel encouraged by the fact that it can be very easy to incorporate intergenerational experiences into their everyday lives.
“I’m a big fan of third spaces that bring together people of all ages, places like public libraries, dog parks, farmers markets,” Oh says. “The problem is that to form a relationship, especially a meaningful relationship, we need more than one-off encounters, more than pleasantries. We need interdependence, we need to need each other.”
Adds Schubert: “Schools and senior centers can intentionally incorporate and implement programs that bring together young people and elders for mentorship, volunteer work, and shared activities.”
For older adults who are seeking new adventures that can expand the horizons of their lives, is there any journey more readily available to embark on than to create a relationship with someone younger or older also looking to explore life through another’s experience?
“Intergenerational relationships between older and younger people are win-win opportunities,” Schubert concludes. “Children can never have too many people believe in them, and older adults can never have too many reasons to live with meaning and purpose.”
10 Ways to Form Intergenerational Friendships
Clinical psychologist Derenda Schubert, PhD, offers these tips:
Be open to conversations by initiating respectful chats with people of all ages in everyday situations.
Build relationships through shared interests that focus on hobbies (e.g., reading, hiking, cooking).
Join intergenerational groups participating in community events, clubs, or mentorship programs.
Attend workshops, classes, book clubs, or seminars that engage in cross-generational learning.
Connect on social media by following the accounts and joining intergenerational online forums of younger and older people.
Volunteer in multigenerational settings such as those involving mentoring young people or providing care to elders that involve different age groups.
Attend social get-togethers and professional networking events that often take place at conferences and through meetups or interest-based groups.
Work across generations on workplace initiatives, or seek internships and volunteer roles at nonprofit organizations.
Start, join, or lead an intergenerational project, such as a neighborhood improvement or community garden, or create family activities that encourage multi-age interaction.
Create or participate in digital experiences such as online pen-pal programs or virtual events.
Jeanette Leardi is a Portland-based social gerontologist, community educator, and author of Aging Sideways: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. She promotes older adult empowerment through her popular presentations and workshops in journaling, memoir writing, ethical will creation, brain fitness, creativity, ageism, intergenerational communication, and caregiver support to people of all ages. Learn more about her work on her website.